The Ghost of my Mother
Some love it but the jokes alluding to them are not coincidental. The reality is that for many couples, the mother is a menacing figure in the relationship and overcome the personal intervention can sometimes get a little difficult. Therefore, Raul Carvajal, a psychologist at Clinica Santa Maria, gives some keys to a healthy coexistence between the couple and their inner circle.
The first and most important according to the specialist, is to establish the boundaries between the couple and their environment. “What sound is that the boundary is very clear and quite general, stating that the doors of my house inward decisions, new challenges and guidelines that we follow in life we ??take it, risking the anger of the families” .
To avoid such complications, it is vital to understand the family characteristics of each circle. Chilean society is patriarchal and men in general tend to be very dependent on their mothers. According to Raul Carvajal, this trend has to do with the generations, but a situation that is replicated by the cultural model that identifies the Chileans. “The closeness between mother and child is a little more than what happens to a daughter and a father, and this dependence is transferred entirely to the plane of the couple with the child in the future.”
At this point there is a new mystery linked to the image of the mother. Why men like women end up marrying their mothers? And the answer is basically because it throughout their training forges a strong link that your child will identify with patterns similar to those she taught him “the primary identification with parental figures is super powerful. This is where we learn to make partner, relationships, then the marks it leaves are very strong and are repeated in all the links that we established, “says the specialist.
Besides being a source of identification in the future, people’s relationship with his inner family circle is a good indicator of what will be in a loving relationship in the future. For example, if a man has a mother conversationalist, it is likely that the characteristic mark, which is explained by the emotional bonds of similarity or difference. This means that a woman will look like, or radically opposed.
LAWS AND AGEING. There are certain things you can accept, the problem arises when people stop spending inappropriate actions and say nothing so as not to offend the mother. That link does harm, it leaves unclear.
Since the related dependent manner, there is good clarity on the links, “if I get to meet my needs alone, the image of the mother would not have to be threatening,” says the psychologist.
INDEPENDENCE v / s MARRIAGE
In the last 5 years, men have gone through a period of confusion in front of the new woman who requires space, rights and is active in decision making. The result of this new independent attitude has led to problems of coexistence within the relationship, as illustrated by the psychologist Raul Carvajal, have to do a necessary change and long term.
At present, the male model is seeing how the concept of family that he was not being replicated in the present, so that it causes frustration. “Probably in immature individuals, who have the ability to resolve such conflicts, this confusion has led to a large number of separations.”
This parity has promoted individualism possibilities within the relationship, which has led people to spend much time thinking about the needs unguarded public spaces that are generated in a family, ultimately causing the separation of love.
The professional solution to overcome marital conflicts is oriented to self, look inside yourself, define what you are looking for and what are the models under which they are working. After reflection, it may invite the couple to be part of a therapy to consolidate the project together.
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