Womens and Parenting

The great dilemma of permits
This note is very interesting, often do not know how to handle our children vacillate between maximum protection and freedom of choice. Here are some tips from Monica Bendek, psychologist (via Mom Smile Magazine).

Permits or responsibilities that we give children to be gradual, because if you exceed what age can take, we risk to fail. In addition, we must realize that permits are awarded to be responsible with homework.

Adolescents: The great dilemma of permits To be permissive or strict? How to manage permissions and exits of the children? These are questions that parents do when children begin to grow. A number of separate requests ranging from “I can go to my friend’s house?” To “I can not go on holiday with this or that person?” Make us feel confused between wanting our son (a ) age enjoy living and socialize properly, and the desire to care for and prevent being exposed to situations that may damage them. What is clear is that free time of adolescents should be divided between study, rest and recreation.

Ideally, parents give most permits, unless there is a compelling reason not to grant it. Do not give permission without a real cause to deny it is a mistake because then we help our children begin to lie. This of course is related to the prudence and responsibility of the youth, because it is not at all-you-go all day until four o’clock and rise at lunch time, no time to study, share in family and do other things. Permits must be demonstrated relating to liability and therefore should always be given to the extent that meets your word and commitments.

Appropriateness is a breeding with clear rules, limits, and trying a lot of communication that children have a great time, bringing friends to the house and participating in healthy groups. Offer from small development groups, in sports, religious or artistic helps to avoid risky behaviors.

Learning to use the freedom

As the adolescent grows older, will give a variation in the outputs. When the child is school, ask permission and see if the mother takes or not. But when a teenager asks permission otherwise: “I have such and such a reel, I go” … and traded with the parents. When they are academics, they decide what to do, but should always be in communication to parents, talking about their activities and paying attention to if being neglected some responsibility.

Permits must be granted by both parents in a manner consistent, so the child knows that no matter who the permit because the other will say the same. The permissions granted relate to the internal preparation to go out alone and make decisions. But how do you assess whether it is prepared for this and how to know if you have discretion to make decisions? How to know if we should give this or that permission? The answer lies in the history of life we ??have built, as children are slowly showing their level of thinking and responsibility. They start taking care of little things and we’re going to give additional responsibilities to see if they respond to them. The key is to give them confidence, strengthen their self-esteem by showing them that we are confident that they will not let us down, we are confident in their ability and responsibility. That is the best incentive that a child may have for not disappoint their parents.

This work is slow, place brick by brick. The use of personal liberty is an arduous learning that there are many adults who still fear him. Freedom is the counterpart of responsibility. Therefore the use of freedom is a practice that must be trained, and have to bear the consequences if they misuse it. When parents have been very restrictive and overprotective at risk than children, to reach the university stage, they dazzle with as much autonomy and misusing it. In this sense, the teenager earned their permits to be responsible with their homework, and you must remove a permit if it has been irresponsible.

The influence of character

Permits or responsibilities that we must be gradual, because if they exceed what the young age can be assumed, we risk to fail and not be reliable, seeing himself as irresponsible. For example, give the car at age 16. If on the other hand, do not give responsibilities, he also see himself as someone who can not be trusted because his parents gave him that confidence. It will also be eager to make their own decisions and feel free, which increases the probability that does not make good use of his freedom when he does.

This also relates to the personality of the young, because if a child is fearful, less sociable, caring and dependent, we will help you out more. On the contrary, from small children who are independent, autonomous and sociable and are more impulsive and less thoughtful, more careful because we have the highest risk. That is why we can not always give the same permissions to all children.

And now that we are “on the verge” of the holiday, we can say that they are to rest, share with family and friends, play sports, be in touch with nature, meet new places, and all these things should not be lose because of the reel. This period is the ideal time to share with family, but keep in mind that there is a natural in terms relaxation times. The idea is to combine “reel” with family activities that the young do not go out every night and spend all day sleeping.

Attention to these aspects
-Know your children’s friends.

-Frequently invited to the house.

-You always know where and who they are.

To propose as routine before the weekend talk scenarios as there are for information and coordination.

-Explain that need to be informed, not distrust, but because they are interested in them.

-Go to search and leave the children at parties, or take turns with known fathers.

-Greet at night when they arrive back from the reel.

-Do not drink if they are to handle.